


Just Beat It

by dyingpoet



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Runaway, god save my mortal soul, im power writing this in the middle of the night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 08:49:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14766398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyingpoet/pseuds/dyingpoet
Summary: Johnny starts to feel like he drags the gang down. A freight train passes whilst he thinks about this, and the decision to get on came easier than he would have thought





	Just Beat It

**Author's Note:**

> Me actually being motivated to write this close to finals is some sort of natural phenomenon

If Johnny Cade had a quarter for everytime he’d left his house with a busted lip, he’d have enough to buy the place and burn it to the ground.

Tonight the lip came with a blossoming bruise on his jaw and sore, but from what he could tell unbroken, ribs. Stumbling out the front door of his house, he forced a brisk walk until he knew he wasn’t visible from his porch, and let himself sit down on the curb.

There was a long crack in the concrete that stretched almost halfway across the road and Johnny didn’t even realize he was crying until it started blurring in his vision. At least there was no one out to see it; see how pathetic it was.

And it was pathetic. Him crying in the goddamn street, barely hurt, for no good reason other than the thought that his folks didn’t like him. That wasn’t big news to anybody, and for the life of hm he couldn’t figure out why it bothered him so much anymore. 

He’d asked Dallas about his parents once. The guy didn’t so much as bat an eyelash when he said they were as good as dead. That was tough. Johnny wasn’t.

Clenching his jaw, he squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his knuckles into them until he started to see spots, then he quit it. 

It took his eyes a second to readjust, but by the time he struggled to a standing position he could see clearly, as clear as one could at this time of night. Honest to go he could have sat on that curb for a year and he wouldn’t have known the difference. It got like that with him sometimes, everything just passed him by.

But not that much time had gone by, and Johnny looked up at the moon, trying to remember what Pony had said about where it was and what time that meant.

“ _ Fuck _ .”

With a yelp Johnny stopped biting his lip, not remembering when he’d started doing it but cursing himself because he’d ripped the scabbing cut open. Blood was starting to drip onto the pavement, it looked really twisted with the night how it was.

Call it fate, but just as he figured he oughta start walking over to the lot, a car started coming down the street and made the decision for him. It could have been the goddamn Pope in the car and Johnny would’ve bolted, he’d never known how to deal with all that good samaritan crap. 

But he beat it and flipped up the collar of his jacket as he turned onto the Curtis’s block. It was a Saturday night so somebody would probably be up when he got there, he didn’t really know if that was something he wanted or not. A quiet house and an empty seat in the lot sounded awful nice right about now, especially since his ribs were really starting to bug him and he’d heard somewhere that sleeping on something hard could help your ones or something like that.

On the other hand, Darry and Soda patching him up, they always did, and lord knows forcing him to eat something had its appeal too. 

He was still figuring all that out when he got to the end of their property and stopped, hands shoved deep into his pockets and nails digging into his palms. It wasn’t right.

Somebody was sure as hell up, several somebody's actually.

From where he was standing, Johnny could see Darry, Soda, and Two-bit, and he figured the others were out too since they were throwing a football around.

And god, they all looked  _ happy. _

Soda jumped on Darry’s back after he caught a pass from Steve, he’d been out of sight before, and the both fell and started play fighting as Two and Steve lunged for the forgotten ball. Laughing echoed across the lot. And Johnny felt  _ bad _ . Like shit actually. Because he knew what would happen if he walked over there, could picture it clear as day.

Darry would probably see him first and shove Soda off him, who would look also look over. Once Darry got up and started for him everyone else would follow and the laughter would be gone, just like that. Dallas would probably storm off and Pony would look at him, scared, as Darry and Two looked him over and brought him into the house. And they would all eventually fall asleep, worried and burdened by Johnny Cade. Again. 

No. They didn’t need that, didn’t need  _ him _ to ruin another good time because he couldn’t get his shit together and toughen up, like Dallas had. 

So, after a minute or so of watching the gang mess around, Johnny turned around and started walking. Guilt was boring a hole in his chest and suffocating him and the rest of the gang. They could say they wanted him around all they wanted, and maybe they were telling the truth, but sometimes you have to do what’s best for people. 

Leaving was easier than he thought it would be.

* * *

 

It took him a few minutes to realize he was following a sound. At first he’d started toward Buck’s, figuring he could get himself a room or something. Buck had a bit of a soft spot for him ever since Dallas had had him stitch up him up after catching a bottle to the shoulder a couple months back.

By the time he got within a block he bailed though, too many guys he knew hung around there and word might get back to the gang that he was there. He just wanted to be alone for a little while.

So that was how he ended up standing in front of a freight train at the edge of their side of town.

It was crawling along in the general direction of the city, and quite a few open cars passed him before he even thought of getting on one. Sixteen years old and he’d never even left their neighborhood, that was something he could change right now. Some distance from him would do everyone good, and hell, he might even have a story to tell when he came back. 

Back from where? He wasn’t exactly sure, but as he climbed onto the next passing car and scrambled toward the back wall, it really didn’t seem like it mattered. No matter where he ended up, it wouldn’t be here. 

The streets he’d walked down his whole life started passing by until they weren’t his anymore. Just concrete slabs that somebody else knew like the back of their hand. 

Different neighborhoods passed lazily by as Johnny curled into his jacket and made himself small against a crate filled with god knows what going god knows where.

He hadn’t thought this out too well. No money, no clean clothes or food. There wasn’t much besides a drop of blood or two on his shirt, he’d been careful, and even though it was cold now, he’d be fine with what he had on in the morning when it warmed up. A highway was snaking next to the train, Soda and Steve’d have a field day with some of the cars he saw rolling by.

Right now, he figured he could go a good two, maybe three days, without food before he got sick. Whenever he got hungry enough he got awfully sick, that’s why the Curtis’s made sure he had a decent meal before he left their house. Good guys.

If he got off in the city, he might be able to nick something from one of those outdoor markets Dally told him about. He was the only one who’d been to the city and from the way he put it, the place was crowded enough for him to get away without too much trouble. He really oughta grab something as soon as he could though, the hungrier he got the slower he’d be.

A car laid on the horn and Johnny felt his eyes getting heavier. There was a dull ache in his jaw where’d he’d been hit, and lip stung after he ran his tongue over the cut. It’d been worse before, he could deal with this.

Slowly, the rumbling of the freight and the steady sound of highway traffic became too much. In the back of his slowly fading mind, Johnny wondered how far from the city he was, and if he’d wake up in time to get off and find it.

* * *

 

“Hey, kid.”

Johnny felt a boot digging into his side and immediately found himself moving back to where there was usually a door. But there wasn’t a door. There was a metal wall and crate a guy he didn’t know standing over him. 

The memory of the last night hit him and he forced himself to stand up, pressing his hands against the back wall and trying to control his breathing. He tried to say something but it caught in the back of this throat. The guy noticed. 

“Kid,” he said, “I don’t care why you’re sleepin’ here, just get the hell off, they’re reloading.”

He looked older, but big enough that he could drag Johnny to the nearest station without much trouble at all, even if he said he didn’t care. But he looked like he caught on to Johnny’s train of thought and took a step to the right, leaving a space for him toward the open side of the car. 

Johnny was off before he could catch anything else the guy said besides a fading, “For Chrissake…”

But he didn’t have time to think about that because he had no idea where he was and there were too many adults for him to feel safe. More of that good samaritan crap could really fuck him over right about now. 

Popping his collar up, he kept his head down and waked as fast as he could out of what he could assume was a rail yard. A few guys looked over at him, a little shocked, as he passed, Johnny knew he looked about twelve and in his state that was a child service’s kind of problem.

But he was out of the fenced yard after a minute or so and Johnny allowed himself to take in his surroundings from an alleyway across the street. It seemed like the city, as Dallas had described it anyway. Big, crowded, and dirty. A lot like his neighborhood, but, yeah,  _ way  _ bigger. He actually hd to crane his neck to look up at everything, and if he didn’t feel small before he definitely did now. 

But from what he could tell, he was more on the outskirts than anything, and, in needing some sort of plan, he started for what looked like the center of the city. 

Hands in his pockets, he kept his eyes down and focused on the passing cars. It sure was busy here, compared to back home anyway, and the longer he walked the cagier he felt. 

Honestly, he got way less looks tha he thought he would. From the way his jaw felt, it must be as black and blue as could be by now, and his lip felt swollen. 

Glory he was hungry too. There  _ was  _ one of those markets Dally had talked about, and he’d debated swiping something right then and there but decided to wait until he found somewhere he could stay for, however long, before trying to solve that problem. 

Problems. There were an awful lot of them besides food and shelter right now. He’d left, and while he didn’t really regret it yet, he gave it about eight hours before the gang started looking for him, and by nightfall they’d probably have him on the back of a goddamn milk carton.

If he could scrounge up the change he might call.  There was a part of him that knew they would want to know he was okay. But there was another part of him that remembered last night, and how he really didn’t want to be the one that made the laughter stop again.

Yeah. The gang was a harder problem. So was getting back and explaining the whole damn thing, because he would end up going back, he was a coward like that.

But he had to be near the center now, if the closeness of everything was anything to go by. Bruised ribs made walking feel like shit, and despite having slept for probably around five or six hours, he felt like he could knock out right now, wanted to even. 

Ironically, the best option he came by was a train station. An old, decidedly run down looking train station that looked rather empty and walled in. A good combination for an unfamiliar place. 

So he crossed the street and made for the door. Hunger was biting at him, and his fingers were picking at the skin around his nails like they did when he started to get antsy, he was antsy. 

A breeze ruffled through his hair and for the first time Johnny realized there wasn’t any grease in it, and he didn’t look a greaser without it. Pushing open the door to the station, he honestly couldn’t say he was bothered; he looked normal, rather beat up, but normal enough to probably keep to himself. 

It was rattier inside than it looked outside. There were two benches on the back wall, a closed ticket counter in the front, and a door that looked like it lead to a bathroom. God he needed to take a leak all the sudden. 

It barely took half a second to make sure he was actually alone, and within two minutes he’d used the shitty bathroom and was cocking his head at his reflection in the equally shitty mirror. 

Normal might have been a bit of a stretch.

His jaw looked like someone had taken a bat to it, not too far from what actually happened, and his lip was caked with blood. Carefully, Johnny turned on the faucet and wet his fingers before bringing them up to the cut, flinching away before gritting his teeth and rubbing at the dried blood. 

He got a little more and managed to clean it up as good as it would probably get. For good measure he splashed the water over the rest of his face to try and get some dirt off, and it made him feel a little better. 

And without the grease, his hair was sort of all over the place. He managed to get it down with some more water and sighed at his reflection in the mirror.

“You really did it this time, huh kid.”

* * *

 

It was almost sunset by the time Johnny got back to the station, and there was a couple on one of the benches when he pushed open the door. 

He kept his eyes down again and made his way to the other bench. It was good he’d scarfed down his apple on the way back, less noisy if he wasn’t eating like a starved dog in front of strangers. 

They looked at him funny and whispered, probably about him, for a minute before Johnny stopped listening and let his head fall back against the wall, sliding down so that he shoulder blades rested on the bottom part of the bench back.

It wasn’t comfortable but it was warmer than outside, and that felt good enough for now. 

He’d been thinking about what he was going to do all day. Most of it was spent walking around, and he’d swiped that apple and a pear earlier from the market, so he’d had a lot of time to kill. 

The city was pretty nice. There didn’t seem like there were any gangs or anything in the busy part around the station, it seemed sort of like a business area, if he’d wandered back toward the rail yard he bet he could have found more of that kind of stuff. But he didn’t need the trouble, and he stuck to the busy part.

It had been about a day and a half since he’d seen any of the guys and they were probably worried or looking for him by now. Or not. That was hat he spent a lot of time thinking about.

There was a chance they didn’t notice that he wasn’t around, or just didn’t think anything of it. Saying that they didn’t care would be a flat out lie, but a selfish part of him wanted them to be thinking about him.

A door shut and Johnny looked up to see the couple had gone. His ribs were aching again and even with the food in his system he felt exhaustion weighing him down. Sleeping in a strange place wasn’t appealing but he didn’t have many options at the moment. 

It’s the busy part. It’ll be fine.

He kept saying that in his head, over and over again until he almost believed it, and sleep came before doubt.

* * *

 

Johnny kicked absentmindedly at a can as a walked through the alleyway behind the train station. The ticket counter had reopened for the week after that night with the couple and he wouldn’t be able to go in for very long until eight or so when they called it quits.

It was Wednesday now, which meant he’d been gone three full days not counting today or the night he left. 

Coughing suddenly, Johnny let himself lean against the back of the station and pulled his sleeves down to cover the tips of his fingers. It felt like he was starting to catch something and he’d have to keep warm if he didn’t want to get a fever. 

A bird flew into the alley and settled on a garbage can a few feet from him, and pecked undisturbed at some rotten food as Johnny struggled to catch his breath. With his luck it was pneumonia or something like that

Birds didn’t get pneumonia, he thought, looking at the black thing still pecking at garbage. Maybe they did, not like he was a vet or anything. 

It was too risky to go back to the market right now, that morning he thought the guy who sold what looked like beef was on to him. He wasn’t that hungry anyway.

Closing his eyes, he twisted and cracked his back, yawning before flexing both of his legs out in turn, everything still felt sore.

There was a caw and the sound of wings beating from across the alley and Johnny opened his eyes, staggering to a standing position and taking a few steps back. Somebody was coming down toward him, and the damn shadows were covering his face.

He’d almost completely turned around before someone called out his name.

“Johnny?”

Someone that sounded familiar. 

He turned and nearly ran smack into Dallas’s chest, feet tangling together as he tried to step backward, rather unsuccessfully, Dallas grabbing his collar before he could get more than an inch back. 

“Dal-”

“Where the hell’ve you been?” Dallas pushing him back as fast as he had pulled him in a second ago. He looked pissed. “You were gone for three days John, we’ve been tearing up the goddamn place looking for you.”

Johnny started clawing at his nails again. He didn’t know whether to be relieved that Dallas had found him, whether or not he wanted to be found he didn’t even know, or scared or guilty or anything because with Dallas staring him, expecting some sort of answer, he couldn’t even remember why he was here.

“I, uh,” he started, “I got on a train Saturday night Dal, didn’t think I’d be gone this long.” 

It wasn’t a good answer and they both knew it. Dallas looked like he wanted to say someone but stopped before he got anything out, grabbing roughly at Johnny’s chin and tilting his head back and to the side, getting a good look at his jaw.

The anger dropped out of his face a bit and Johnny couldn’t figure why he wanted it back so badly. All he did was take a step back and stare at the ground. 

“That why you left?”

It wasn’t actually, but it would be easy for it to be, so he nodded. There were a few second of silence before he felt a hand on his jacket sleeve and stumbled after Dallas as he pulled him out of the alleyway.

They got a good block before Dallas let go of him to dig in his pocket for some change, they’d stopped at a phone booth. He’d really meant to call.

But Dallas didn’t say a thing as a got in, leaving the door open and shooting Johnny a glace before putting his change in and dialing. He thought he was going to bolt or something. 

Johnny dug the toe of his sneaker into the concrete and bit at the inside of his lip. That felt like shit even if he did deserve it, he wasn’t a dog for chrissake. 

“Yeah I got ‘im.”

Johnny looked up and saw Dallas leaning forward with his head resting against the wall of the booth, filling the whole space without trying. 

When he saw Johnny looking in he leaned into the phone and lowered his voice, and the rest of the conversation was a mystery for a couple of minutes. 

There was another black bird a couple of feet away, hopping around near a bench. Johnny raked a hand through his hair and watched it for a few seconds, almost started for it actually before he felt a hand on his jacket and he was being pulled roughly across the street again. 

The bird flew away and Johnny turned around and walked with Dallas. 

They didn’t say anything for a while.

* * *

 

“None of ‘em are mad at you, kid.”

Johnny lifted his head from where he’d rested it on the car window and looked over at Dallas. He had one hand on the wheel and looked over at Johnny. They were on the highway. He could see the train tracks.

“Okay,” he said lamely. It had only been a good three days but it felt like a lifetime and it was strange thinking that their neighborhood was still there, waiting. 

A sigh and Dallas bit his lip. “They got scared, s’not like you to run off like that.”

He was right. 

“I thought you might’ve hopped a freight and ended up in the city.”

Dallas was smart enough to go looking there, he was tough too. If Johnny was half as tough as Dallas he never would’ve ended up there in the first place. 

“Looked for a few hours, thought I was wrong and you went into the country or something.”

Johnny bit at his nail and looked at Dallas, eyes flicking back after getting the full intensity of the stare.

“Don’t ever do that again man.”

* * *

 

They got back to Tulsa around noon, Dallas pulling into the lot and stretching his arms before pulling the key out of the ignition.

Johnny barely got a step out of the car before he felt himself being lifted up and swung around. Good ole Two-bit.

“Johnny!”

“You’re not lettin’ him breathe.”

Two-bit set Johnny down and ruffled his hair. “Damn, new look kid.”

He managed a weak smile before looking at the others over Two-bit’s shoulder. Dallas was talking low with Darry and Soda walked up and put a hand on his shoulder, Steve and Pony half a step behind him.

“You okay Johnnycake?”

Steve lifted his chin with a finger and clenched his jaw. “You got this here or out there?”

Pretty much all of them looked at him for an answer and Johnny mumbled out a quick, “Here.”

He kept his eyes down and felt concern radiating from everyone. It was a good second or two before he felt an arm on his shoulder and looked up to see Darry. He looked worried, his eyes were clouded over, and they reminded him an awful lot of the time he’d woken up after getting jumped. Darry’d looked just like that then. 

He really should’ve called.

“C’mon, you can eat and get cleaned up,” he said, “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t, but he let Darry lead him and the others into the house anyway. A shower did sound real nice though.

* * *

 

He did get a shower and a decent meal before he got asked anything. Steve and Two-bit left earlier, and Soda and Pony left Johnny alone in the kitchen with Darry and Dallas after they finished eating.

The door shut behind them and Darry cleared his throat, prompting Johnny to look up from the table. 

“You gotta give us something Johnny.”

He was frowning and looked so tired and just  _ unhappy _ that Johnny could’ve walked right down to those train tracks again.

Dallas kicked at him lightly from under the table. “You didn’t run away ‘cause of your old man, we ain’t stupid.”

Damn if he didn’t feel stupid for thinking Dallas bought that back in the city, didn’t seem like too bad of a lie. He cleared his throat a little and bit at his lip. “Yeah.”

“Yeah what?” Dallas asked. There was an edge to his voice and Darry shot him a look. “What? C’mon, let’s not beat around the bush, why’d ya do it Johnnycake?”

“Didn’t want to bother you guys,” he said quietly. They both looked at him in surprise and his eyes shot back down to the table. “Sick of ruining y’all’s time.”

Fingers, probably Darry’s, drummed on the table and one of them, probably Dallas, let out a deep sigh. He couldn’t look up.

“You’ve never done that Johnny.” 

“Yeah,” Dallas shoved lightly at Johnny’s shoulder and he looked back up, “You don’t gotta worry ‘bout that kid.”

It still felt shitty. “I know I shouldn’ta ran off like that, or I could’ve called or somethin’,” he said, “Sorry.”

He was too tired to get into anything else and it must of showed. Darry nodded and stood up, walking to the other side of the table and ruffling Johnny’s hair. He could be really good like that sometimes. 

“‘S okay, we can talk more after you get some sleep.”

Johnny nodded and allowed himself to be led to the couch. He was tossed a blanket and pillow and barely noticed Dallas settling down by his feet before sleep started tugging at him again. “What’re you doin’ Dal?”

“Nothin’, go to sleep Johnnycake.”

It sure as hell felt like something, but Johnny let it go and allowed himself to sink into the couch. Everything in the room felt warm and familiar and the idea of the train station made him sick. 

Just as he was drifting off, Soda and Pony filtered back into the room. They spoke softly with Dallas and a hand brushed Johnny’s hair away from his face just as his breathing evened out

Lord knew there would never be a next time, but if there was, he’d call. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope yall enjoyed the product of my exhaustion and frustration!
> 
> I'm always looking for ways to distract myself from Life Things so leave any outsiders prompts in the comments!!
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14864475) by [johnny cade (johnnycake)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnycake/pseuds/johnny%20cade)




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